Eating chocolate cake in the shower……and why Autism is a one way ticket

I have just, quite literally, eaten chocolate cake in the shower. Its not like I sat down, thought, “hmm, quiet night, not much on the TV, I know,  I’ll get a giant Betty Crocker Chocolate Cake and sit in the shower and eat it!” It just sort of, happened. I’m going to use the fact the little fella has Autism as an excuse here…..its weak, but don’t pick on me, my kid’s “special” remember!!

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I love the above quote, it’s so easy to say “I will do it tomorrow”. In fact in my opinion its the main reason Diaries and Agendas were invented, not so we could all become incredibly efficient, but so we could write down all the things we are going “to do tomorrow”.  I have a paper diary, a wall diary, an agenda in my phone, and various yellow  “note-its” stuck around the house, all with things on “I am going to do tomorrow”.  I even stuck a yellow note-it to the cat once, figured a “mobile” service might have more impact. Turns out I was wrong and cat didn’t seem too impressed either.

I’ve been feeling philosophical this week (try not to laugh out loud), mostly brought on by a situation that my little fella was put in, that was “Completely Avoidable” Not by us, and not by friends, but by his School. Now I’m not going to get into a big bashing session on the School. Its a good school, with nice people in it, but there was a distinct lack of foresight and compassion shown this week.

Charlie Banana did not make Sports Day, now this was to be expected, and had been discussed with the school on previous occasions and then on the day itself. We didn’t lie about why our little man wasn’t there, we told the truth, why wouldn’t we?  The school has known for 18 months what the situation is. To cut a long, and frankly painful story short. all the children in his class were given a certificate for attending Sports Day, except my child. Who desperately wants to fit in –  so they left him out. Even though he attended every practice session (and won the egg and spoon race, twice!! Major career choice there if the Egg and Spoon race ever becomes an Olympic event!), participated fully in the run up to the day despite trepidation, and even though I explained carefully why he wouldn’t be attending. But they still gave every other child a certificate, except mine. A situation that would be hard for any child to comprehend, let alone one with the added handicap of being on the ASD. Hard to figure that one out huh? It may even appear insignificant, and I suppose it is really. But it brought my bright, happy child to tears.

Sometimes taking the moral high ground, though admirable is a waste of time. Sometimes you need to get down and dirty and scrap it out in the mud.

Today was one of those days, and although I hate taking this route, there are times when to protect my child, and his mental and emotional health,  I need to do so. Its not a pretty process, its not one I enjoy, and it usually results in tears on my part. A “tiny” amount of foresight, compassion and consideration could have saved everyone involved a great deal of pain and stress. He is 6 years old, still so young . There was no need for today, shame on you.

Hence my philosophical bent this week! The miracle that is hindsight, and how a little bit of consideration could have prevented all of the above. (see photo below of my little fella ably demonstrating the value that is “hindsight!)

Saw it, Tried it, Hated it…lesson learnt

But back to the whole Chocolate Cake aspect of today’s ramblings..

Last night I went upstairs to check on the little dude, turns out he had snuck into our bed (Hubby on night shift) and was flat out, snoring like a Walrus, and surrounded by 2 out of 3 cats. He had also found my candy stash, so was entirely likely to wake at around 3am and bounce off the walls due to sugar overload. I should blame myself for being a terrifically inadequate mother/housewife,  and using my bedside draw as a chocolate storage compartment. But instead I think I will just find a better hiding place…

But back to the chocolate cake, for some yet to be fathomed reason, (but probably due to being monumentally tired, again!) I had taken the cake upstairs with me when I went to check on the offspring, once  I had done my maternal duties (incidentally remind me to tell you the time I came upstairs to check on my child, and found my in-laws, naked, on the landing….) I realised I was stood in the bedroom with cake in one hand, and fork in other. So I decided to eat it, seemed like a shocking waste not too.

As bed was fully booked by kid and cats, I trotted into study, to find other cat sat on desk, so went into spare room and then realised I had thrown every item of summer clothing I possess onto the spare bed, as need to pack for next week. This left offspring’s room, which has so many dinosaurs in it that frankly its a bit like being on the set of Jurassic Park. So in a house with 4 bedrooms, but only 3 occupants, I ended up in the bathroom, sat on the side of the bath. Turns out that’s not too comfy, hence shower. Surprising how comfy you can get in the shower if you put a towel down.

Now I know what your all thinking, “Why didnt she just go downstairs and sit on the sofa and eat the cake?” – its a good question, the answer is: because my brain doesn’t work properly anymore, which is nothing to do with seeing my father-in-law naked, although to be fair that probably didn’t help. It’s because I have to look after my child, who has Autism, and I’m not very good at it yet.  I grieve for the life I thought we were going to have, and haven’t yet come to terms with, or accepted the situation we are in. Currently Life is a Sky Scraping Roller-coaster of a ride, with terrific highs and abysmal lows. It seems I paid to get on, but didn’t realise it was a one way ticket.  I want to get off, and at the moment, I cant.  Which is why I eat Cake, in the shower, in the middle of the night.