Hi! We’re back! (yep you guessed it, that’s me and the voices in my head!!) Come say Hi and lets have a catch up!
So, its been a long long while since I posted, Why I hear you ask!! Well, er, I’ve been a bit busy and also, I can be a right lazy cow at times! But mostly its because my baby boy is no longer a baby, he is in fact a strapping 14 year old (the attitude comes free, lucky us!)
He has grown into a giant of a child, as expected given his Dad is 6’4, although you would have thought my 5’2 would have balanced it out a bit no? He is now a confident, funny, sarcastic (yes thats all me) teenager, complete with all the usual teenage angst that comes with the rioting hormones screaming round the bodies of all teenagers! He looks no different from any other teenager, until you look closer, or deeper, or you have a child at home that is on the Autism Spectrum, cos then you basically get X-ray specs built in for all things ASD!
So why did I stop posting? Well I was worried that as my baby is now effectively a young adult, I didn’t want to put him in a difficult position, embarrass him, make him feel spotlighted, you know, all the stuff that a good parent should think about and consider. Of course little did I know that my thoughts and feelings, as a member of the “Old Club” (wtaf!! I’m still in my 40’s!!) would in fact hold no meaning whatsoever for ANY teenager, let alone my own, so with that in mind, I’m back!!
Today is a good day, to be fair it started pretty shit but its definitely improved, in part due to the fact I bought 98 more pairs of “lounge pants” which I am pretty sure used to be called “joggers” Pre-Pandemic. So as I sit here in my comfy peach coloured loungewear, feeling pretty mellow (that’ll be the valium) and think about how things are, what can I tell you, what’s changed?
Hmm, Everything in a nut shell, far too much to catch you up on to be frank, but if I had to nail it down to a few points (which is a massive challenge for me as we all know I like to ramble!) I would say it was, the fact he has matured, the fact we have consistently pushed his boundaries to ensure that he understood the World is big, and it is frightening, but it is also wonderful and amazing, something we have always tried to make him understand. Plus some great medical back up, some also bloody useless medical back up, and some good schooling and some bad schooling, its a hotch potch of things but I think most of the changes, for good and bad, are due to the fact that he, Connor is growing up.
Obviously its not as simple as, “oh well he grew up and matured and the autism just went away!” How fab that would be? A lot of work has gone into supporting and reassuring him into becoming the young adult he is today. I will tell you more specifics next time as otherwise we will be here till June (although by the looks of things, we all have the time…..) and its been hard, seriously hard work. My Life has become utterly absorbed by the Autism and its needs. I am also his Advocate, so its important I know my stuff, which also takes a lot of time and research. Ask me anything!! Interocpetion? I’m on it, propreoceptive feedback? Yep done! The Wilbarger Protocol? Got the tshirt and the brush!!
So as you can see, its a Team effort. Some parts of the Autism have indeed gone away, but I think maybe they were the parts that all kids have, and were just highlighted in Con as his sensory needs exacerbated things like confidence, and interaction with other kids etc.
Most of this is now manageable, Con has learnt how to manage lots of situations and as such his Life has opened up enormously. He is also very adept at realising when something is too much, and pre-empting situations that may become problematic, he has learnt this through trial and error and much reviewing and analysing with me at home. So I guess actually, nothing went away as such, Con just learnt to deal, and therefore things are less obvious.
Other things have become “worse” or “stronger” The OCD has become a much bigger problem as he matures, to the point that we have had to take action to deal with this (more on that in a future post) which posed a huge number of dilemmas as we always swore that medication was not the answer (might have been a tad naive when we said that!) There most definitely is a time and place for medication, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!!
The ADHD has kicked in over the last few years, most notably in terms of education, Con has the attention span of a very simple goldfish, and the concentration level of a Gerbil on Crack, so you can imagine the combo that throws up….
Now there is definitely a touch of ADHD in the family, ahem! But again wouldn’t you think that would have been counter balanced by the Hubby’s almost comatose style laid back attitude to life?! Apparently not, it would appear that we blessed our Child with the worse of both of us, fortunately he also got the Best of both of us!!
So all in all its been a rocky road we have travelled, and there are still days when I worry, head in hands, sat on the floor, thinking “oh God, how is this going to ever work out, how is he ever going to be ok” Those days still exist and are still more frequent that I would like. But, there are also days when I see the amazing and kind and funny young adult he now is, I mean I see that most days, it’s just shrouded in teenage “oh god what now!!”
We have had EHCP challenges, tribunal, judicial review, endless rows and battles with School, seen so many Consultants that I have lost count, been down medication routes, tried alternative therapies, different diets to see if food plays a part, basically short of howling at the moon (and yeah ok I did that once, but in my defence I was really really drunk!!) we have done it all! Some worked, some didnt, again I will tell you what worked in a future post, each one deserves its own little story.
So, he’s 14 now, when he was 7 I panicked about getting to 8, when he was 8 I panicked about getting to 9, now he’s 14 and I panic about him finding his footing in a World that is extremely challenging, but I have faith, faith that he will find his way, same as he has the last 14 years. Will it be easy? No, absolutly not, but then maybe Life isn’t supposed to be easy? It’s supposed to be challenging, exciting, devastating, and all the other myriad of emotions that make up spending X amount of years on the planet. I can’t protect him from them all, and although I will never EVER, stop being the over zealous protective Mum I am, I have learnt to stand back a bit, and watch him walk through Life, floundering at times, but mostly making it work, in his own unique and special way. Con is the most magical thing that ever happened to me, and it will never be topped. That doesn’t stop me wanting to stab him in the head with a fork regularly but hey!
So that is where we are, still all over the place, still frantic at times, still wanting everything done yesterday not today, but I can’t change that, and I’m not sure I would, as its that driven and “teensy bit” aggressive attitude that has got us help in the hard times. But we are also in the teenage years, in itself a tough time for all parties! and I watch my gorgeous boy navigate through his Life, and I am endlessly proud, he will always be my baby, but he is also now a young man, just starting out. I know he will do great things.
theautismtrain 