“Mummy I had a heart attack today”…why Autism is no barrier to being a drama queen

Its fair to say that the Drama Queen Gene in our family goes back a loooong way, in fact if we ever manage to breed a member who “isn’t” a drama queen I will be surprised. Today’s statement from the little fella that, “Mummy I had a heart attack at school but then I was ok because I just needed a poo…”, brilliantly demonstrates that having any kind of Autism Spectrum Disorder is no barrier to continuing this fine family tradition.

Charlie Bananas homework this week  was pronounced to be “brilliant” by his teacher, and he was quietly told “yours was the best” which is SUCH a confidence boost for a little boy who really does not understand a large proportion of what he is being taught, in fact I’m so proud of him I’m going to show you a quick pic! see below:)

Obviously in my little fellas head, Rhinos, Leopards, Monkeys and Snakes all live in perfect harmony…..”ahem!”

Until we really got into this whole Autism business, I really didn’t understand just how difficult simple things such as reading and writing really are for children like ours, it was the Speech and Language Therapist who put it best (and most simply!) when she stated:  “During my visit Charlie Banana (just for reference this isn’t his “actual” legal  name…) was very chatty, he was observed to use lengthy, well structured sentences. On a number of occasions it was necessary to interrupt him due to how much he wanted to chat. School have reported that this is very different to how he presents in the classroom. In the classroom Charlie Banana is very quiet, passive and withdrawn, and frequently chews excessively on given material. He rarely uses language to engage with his teachers and will only make contact with a few, very familiar adults”

Now imagine how you feel when your hear that your bright, loving child is so deeply unhappy in the classroom that he “withdraws” into himself. If you cant imagine how this feels, go find a big knife and stick it straight into your heart, because that’s exactly what I wanted to do when I heard. Fortunately, seeing as I cant cook I couldn’t actually find the knife. I mean, lets be honest, the term Domestic Goddess will never be slung in my direction.  I haven’t seen the hoover since 1982, and the last time I attempted to set the washing machine on timer, it was due to turn itself on at some point in  September  2019..

But the point is (yes I had one, rambling is another family trait) that not only do you have to worry about your child’s education, but it suddenly becomes very important that you educate yourself. No easy thing to do when the Autism Spectrum is as wide and varying as it is.

Then of course there is the “explosion” of energy that occurs when he comes home from school, and all that pent up fire needs to come out, because at school he suppresses. There are days when I swear on all that is holy (although I probably shouldn’t be swearing around anything holy!), that the constant whirlwind that passes for my son is “fantastically” irritating!! I know your supposed to be patient, tolerant, kind, understanding and all those other things, but frankly I’m more in the “annoyed, pissed off, tired, fed-up and in need of chocolate” bracket.

Don’t get me wrong, I love his energy level, just not at 4:35am, particularly when accompanied by the phrase, “can I have my ipad, I want to know what happens to Robin Hood” – was seriously tempted to reply with, “he gets married, has a child and then realises he was better off just making merry with Will Scarlet!” – Except this would be wrong, on so many levels.

One of the hardest parts about having a Child with Autism is that you cant make them understand the simple stuff. We are off on holiday in two weeks, and the little fella consistently asks “how many days mummy”, which is fine, except my very clever son who can easily do maths at an age level far above his chronological age, does not understand that days and weeks are different. Spent 20 minutes this morning (ok it was 10, we all know my tolerance runs out way before 20 minutes) trying to make him understand that 7 days makes 1 week – all to no avail. Ended up going with “pretty soon  monstermunch we will be going on holiday, how about I make you a chart?” (Ahhh the never ending chart list)

So that is where we are today, two steps forward on some levels and one step back on others, and that’s the way it has to be, until I invent a cure. Which I plan on doing in-between the Sauvignon, Valium and Shoe shopping. Until then I shall grit my teeth some days, and grin from ear to ear on others, because when all else fails, he is, and always will be, mine, and that’s enough.